We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
