You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so much tequila, so little girl.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love you. Go after that dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
