I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
