I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
