It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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