I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
