Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize