They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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