She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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