when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
