He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
