I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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