It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
