the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So apparently I’m into choking now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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