my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
