Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
