eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
