Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize