clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
