I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
