i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
