I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize