you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
