New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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