I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
