Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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