the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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