Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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