If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
