dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
