so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
