before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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