She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
