She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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