i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
