I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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