I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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