So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"