felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
