I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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