Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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