There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize