i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
