Taylor Swift is so right about you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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