This is not my ceiling
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
