Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
