I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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