He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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