she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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