go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
