Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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