I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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