I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
