hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
