I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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