I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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