Tell her she can't have a vagina
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize