I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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