i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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